willa rose me: wilhelmina


you: talk

So get this, IM IN NYC. This is amazing i came here on Monday and now I am living the life here in New York. I can barley believe it.Really it is surreal. I am auditioning for college. WHOOOOOO

She put me back on anti depressants. It is kind of funny because the last one i was on was a depressant, this one is a stimulant. Im excited to get better. It is exciting to know i will have an appetite back a personality, a sense of humor, a drive. Everything i lost will be back.

That’s some funny shit

a while back
i posted about being sad
now i am posting because it has all changed
it is okay to be sad but
i have changed
for the better
love me
to me
all about me
done

So for the past 3 years i have been extreamly depressed. Unbearable, I mean almost suicidal if you will.
THEN
I got a kitten, that helped.
Then it ran away and I was sad.
Then it came back and all is good nao.
My buddy Cassandra is coming over now and we are going to play Apples to Apples with my drunk brother and his friends
Im just rambling because i like the way that cassandra’s keyboard sounds when I type.
Does any one else feel that way wabout how something types. Just liking the sound?
So yeah thats that.

first off this is not for your pleasure, just for my sanity
I am sick and tired of life at the moment considering i feel i am personally going down hill. I have picked up bad habits and i dont know what to do about them other than stop and not solve what is behind them.
my parents dont seem to understand how up set i am about their fighting. everyday something small sets them off.
thank god my mom is at an mfa program rightnow or else this would be a firey hell hole
and finally god dammit
HARRY POTTER IS OVER :(((((

i like sitting around and doing nothing

i wish that i had something todo

im watching toystory and it is amazing. 

and i dont know about anyone else, but i love the sound of typing, like i love the sound of my keyboard when i type fast.

:D

i dont need this shit anymore

i am happy living,

i am just unhappy,

i want to get better, i hate where i live i hate everything about where i am.

I love my family i just hate what surrounds us

i just want to move and get far away but my life will never change, 

i do want to be who i wish to grow into but i just dont have the strength

i am growing smaller and weaker

and soon i will be nothing

but i do not know how to get over this.

it just want it to be okay

please let something happen to me and my family so that it all works out for us and it gets better for us all,

this is a beg a plea, i need help god if you are real take this into account

if you are so fucking real why have you left us to suffer

why have you left us to fend alone

HELL yeah it could be worse by why does it have to be this bad

why couldnt it be good for us huh god? where were you when my dad got sick where were you when my mom had a heart attack where were you when my brother got hit by a car or fell of a roof Huh?! 

i want to know why you arent helping

answer me 

this shit started recently that i am just not happy with myself, i have tried being around people that love me i have tried this anti depression shit and nothing it working

from school to peer pressure

im breaking down

i just need one week to sleep and do nothing else,

to be completley alone and in silence

to be happy with the fact i have to please no one

and to be okay with myself by myself

i will be the last person i please and the end it near if i dont make myself happy soon i will break under pressure

andddd does anyone have any advice or just want to talk, it would be nice to have someone distant to talk to.?